Today, I’m not okay. But I will be…

I think we all just want someone in our life who can love us in our nakedness (i.e., weakness, rawness, vulnerabilities, flaws, imperfectness, etc.). It seems like an easy task but it's hard for most people to do. People tolerate you because they need you. Unfortunately, they don't choose or want you. They see you as different and they can’t accept you for who you are so of course they are not willing to go with you to the next level! Sigh…This can be a major mental and emotional setback. When I feel down, defeated, and unsure about life, I often seek people that I can confide in and share my hurts and pains. More often than not, they are listening but they don't hear me. I feel alone, isolated, and trapped like a bird in a cage. How do I break free? Sadly, I am there for everyone, but no one is there for me. So, I shut down- I retreat... In these moments, I do not feel or want to be bothered by people. The mere sight of a text or phone call makes me cringe. It has nothing to do with the person sending the message or calling, it's all on ME. My mental health just craves silence, peace, stability, and no forced conversations. I’ just need some time for myself. There is an inner conflict that I am having with myself. I'm struggling to succumb to the terms of my own reality. Yes, my reality is subjective, and although I know it changes over time BUT (unfortunately) at this moment I feel defeated and deeply discouraged. I questioned the love and serenity of those around me. The walls feel like they are closing in. I feel like I'm standing on shattered glass in 6-inch stilettos. I do not have anyone I can trust or talk to! No one understands- so it seems. My heart questions everything, it doesn't matter how big or small it is. Who am I? Who is it that I desire to be? What is it that I desire to have in my life? Why is this happening to me? I desire to be whole and complete. I desire someone who celebrates me- flaws and all. Someone who respects me and loves me for who I am and where I am in this thing called life. I know that I am perfectly imperfect, I only seek to be sincere, whole, and wholehearted. I don't pretend compassion while not caring at all therefore I don't want people around who pretend to care but DON'T! The mind is powerful. For this reason, I know it is important that I take time out for self-care. Good emotional and mental health helps us to see the best in ourselves regardless of the challenges that we are facing in our lives. Having a great support system is crucial. May is Mental Health Awareness Month (May 1 - May 31)! What is your mental health (i.e., emotional, psychological, and social well-being)? Let’s stop taking people’s absence so personal. Sometimes what they are going through requires isolation. It’s not about you! Check in with the people in your life and ask them how they're doing and really take the time to listen to their answers. #breakthestigma # weareone #findingans